Learn to accept apologies you will never receive.
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” – Charlotte Bronte.
All my life I have been stubborn as a bull, most of my family say I get it from my grandmother who has passed away. I never had a chance to meet her, but I have been told I have her eyes, and well her stubbornness. When I have an idea in my head there is no chance I’m letting it go; it is both my best and my worst quality. Growing up on the playground if someone wronged me by ‘budging the line’ or picking a fight with me I was always the last one to say I was wrong and apologize.
That particular trait followed me up to high school, where I would get into fights with friends, and I would harbour such anger and resentment with me. I remember one particular match I had with an old friend; he decided to turn into an entirely new person throughout the summer, someone who partook in drugs and someone who I did not recognize in a good way. We had a massive argument, things were said, and both of us held this massive grudge between our relationship for a year. That was the worst year of my life. It physically affected me; I felt heavy for a full year it was the worst birthday and Christmas of my life was during that year. I didn’t understand why I felt so badly, in my head I knew I was not in the wrong, he was throwing his life away and did not see it. One summer day after one full year of not talking, and if we did not speak it would just be either yelling or passive-aggressive text messages. I decided enough was enough and called him when he picked up I immediately apologized for acting like a child, but it all came from a place of love for him. After I finished my speech, he hung up the phone.
Strangely as soon as I said thos little words ‘i’m sorry,’ it felt as if a weight was lifted from my chest… as if I have been drowning for 12 months and now I could breathe again. Even though he never to this day has apologized for the hurtful things he has said and done to me, I walk the streets filled with no resentment or grudges towards him. That is the greatest gift he could have ever given to me.
In life you have to learn to accept apologies that you may never receive, I don’t think I will ever get an apology from him, and I am okay with that, the weight has been lifted off me, and I hope one day he can be freed as well. I will always keep my stubbornness with me in life, but there comes the point where the cons outway the pros and you have to give it up, or you will die trying.